Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
