The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize