I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
