Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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