A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
