I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
