One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
