I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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