Sry I called you an 8
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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