If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
