We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
