i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
