We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
