not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
