i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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