There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
