I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think I am morally bankrupt
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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