you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
