I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
