I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have fence marks all over my body
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
