afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
