It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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