So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
