Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
