I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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