my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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