just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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