I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
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My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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