can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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