found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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