WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
