Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
