Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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