But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
