let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
