i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
