I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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