I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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