Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You work out of a Hotel?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
