I wish I could teleport
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
