Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have grass duct taped all over my body
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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