On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
