i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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