Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
