Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize