my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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