What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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