When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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