So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize