watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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