my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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