yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
