The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
