id be glad to
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
