New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It was confusing and full of hummus
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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