The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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