i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
