my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
