so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
