My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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