this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
