my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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