oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
