my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
