I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
