is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
babies were throwing up all over the place
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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