pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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