i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
