I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
