cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
