I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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